My Why

Hey you!

You’re here for one of three reasons:
1. You curious about my why.
2. You popped over from my email subscriptions, thanks for signing up!
3. You just love me and like to keep updated on my newest blog posts! Shewwwt, I’m blushing, thank you ;)

No matter your reason for being here, I wanted to invite you here so I can share my WHY. Have you heard that before? What it means is shaking off all the fluff and glitter and really sharing what really motivates me to do this job. So let’s get to it!

So that’s me up there, haha! I’m Jess and I serve the Bakersfield community and surrounding areas with newborn, baby & family photography! This year I celebrated 9 years of business and man, it has been a JOURNEY!

When I purchased my first DSLR camera, my children were 3 and 1. My goal was to document our everyday life, like our personal family historian. Like most stay at home moms I knew, I craved the chance to provide for my family monetarily and the interaction with other adults from day to day. What I wasn’t prepared for was how great it felt to have a creative outlet and a chance to get to know new people and serve them! I’m a textbook introvert and thrive in my quiet happy place, usually. It’s still a good idea to get out and people sometimes!

All of that is really great. But it’s not my WHY. Bare with me while I open my heart and tell you how I really ended up here. A photographer capturing motherhood, new life and all of the important milestones.

It’s not my kids.

I love my babies. They’re a great motivator for a lot of things, they light a fire in my belly to leave this world a better place. They’re a good part of my reason for being on this earth every single day! The moment we become parents, our lives revolve around our children, don’t they?

If I let my mind wander too much, I tell myself my why is selfish. It might be, but it’s important to be selfish sometimes. As much as I love today for my kids, it’s important to remember they’re only here with me for a short time before those wings of their spread wide and take on the world for themselves. Now that they’re independent self thinking teenagers, I can see that part of their lives coming at me like bright headlights. I see a time where my day isn’t about their needs from sunrise to sunset.

While that thought is very terrifying and I’m not really sure how and when they grew up so damned fast… I’m also slowly easing into a place in life that allows me to be ME again. I get to focus on my heart and soul goals, my life’s purpose. So much of my personal life revolves around mental health. Mine specifically and I know that’s where my photography spreads it’s wings and soars.

I, am my WHY.

Yeah that. I am my WHY. I do this for me.

Earning an income to help provide for my family’s needs is wonderful and an essential part of running a business. However, when I’m behind the camera, digging deep inside of my creative soul, watching for the perfect light to fall over you while your family has a cuddle war… That’s when I get to be myself and get lost in my creative groove. I struggle daily with anxiety, you probably already knew that since I talk about it often.

When my babies were babies, I struggled HARD with Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety. I didn’t feel comfortable reaching out for help. Goodness I wish I could go back and tell past me that it is okay to ask for help. It’s one of my greatest regrets. I can tell you that I don’t remember much of my oldest’s first year. It’s all very blurry. I know we spent a lot of time at home watching Nemo and Cars on repeat. So much of everything else? It’s just a fuzzy memory that I can barely piece together. Then I experienced that same blur, but maybe not so intensely, when my youngest was born.

I felt like a failure.

Wasn’t a good enough mom, couldn’t keep up with everything. The household chores, their needs, my needs. I don’t really know why some of us experience this but I do know what helped save me. Photographs. I can recall many times just sifting through the photos I took of them. Admiring their tiny little details. They that were growing so fast I felt like time wouldn’t let me enjoy their littleness! I felt like I could freeze time and everything I wanted to remember with photos. That is exactly what I hope to do for others who might also experience PPD/PPA like I did.

Creating and making connections with others through my work is what sets fire to my soul. It gives me purpose and it calms my rapid heart beat like nothing else. It keeps my mental health in check so that I can be the mom, wife, and human I strive to be. My hope is that through creating for you, I’m able to give you the same peace in your hearts and minds too! I hope that the photographs we create together are sweet little reminders of your purpose and your why.

What is your heart work? What is the WHY that fuels you towards it?!

While I have you here, come hang out with me on Instagram!
Want to chat more about PPD/PPA or book a session? Hope over to my home page and fill out the “Leave a note” form! I’d love to hear from you <3